Well... the day I had been dreading finally arrived. I had to go back to work on August 12th! I knew from the moment Mason was born that I never wanted to leave him. I really thought I would not only be able to "handle" going back to work, but that i would WANT to go. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job as a teacher & I thought that I would totally be ready to get back to teaching. BOY WAS I WRONG!! TOTALLY WRONG!!! The thought of going back to work was constantly lingering in the back of my mind from the moment I laid eyes on Mason and fell in love... but I was always pushing it away, hoping that I would win the lottery & never have to actually go back to work- Ha! About two weeks before I had to go back the real sense of dread and sadness set in!
Not only was I having to go back to work, but Nate started a new job on the 11th & his training schedule required him to be at work between 430 & 500 AM!!! You read that right... AM!!! Nate's new job is as an outside salesman for Masada Bakery and part of his training included learning the routes of the delivery trucks, the product, and the customers... by RIDING on the delivery trucks to delivery the product each day!! So, not only was I having to leave my precious son for the first time to go back to work, Nate was having to get up around 330 & leave the house around 400! Super Stressful to say the least! Thank Goodness my mom came down on the 11th and stayed with us until the 19th helping us get adjusted to the new schedule!! There is no possible way the three of us would have survived with out her. PERIOD. For all the teachers out there, you know how hard it is to adjust to going back to school after the summer. It is even more physically and emotionally draining than the rest of the year! So throw that in with leaving my baby for the first time and my sweet hubby starting a new job... we were a mess there for a while!
I cried and cried and cried those first few days about leaving Mason. I can honestly say that was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life - harder than breastfeeding- which prior to leaving him to go back to work I believed was the hardest thing I'd ever done! I literally felt sick to my stomach and couldn't eat. My heart was broken. I went through all the emotions... especially deep sadness and horrible guilt. The pain has dulled slightly over the past two weeks...but it is still there and I doubt it will ever go away. I will do anything possible to make changes to our life so that I am able to stay home with Mason & his brother or sister in the future!
On a super POSITIVE note... Mason LOVES going to hang out with all his friends at Miss D's every day :) I knew from the moment we went and met Ms.D that she was the right person to take care of my baby. Mason is so loved and well taken care of each day. I drop him off on my way to work around 625-630 and then Nate usually picks him up sometime between 12 & 2 (and I've picked him up a couple times) Mason has been super happy each day when we pick him up and get him home & we get great reports from Ms.D on how his day went :) Whenever I drop him off or have picked him up he smiles so big for Ms. D or Ms. T or Ms. K (Ms.T & Ms. K are Ms.D's best friends that help her out each day with the babies) It makes me feel so good to see him smile and laugh when he sees them because I know that he is happy to be with them and is so well loved by them. Ms.D tells me all the time how sweet Mason is and how he is really having such a good time there. It has been so nice to feel so comfortable with who gets to spend so much time with my baby each day. Whenever Nate picks up Mason I still call and chat with Ms.D each night on how his day went :) I am SUPER sad that I do not get to be with Mason all day long, but I am so thankful that not one moment have I ever had to WORRY about him being loved and taken care of while I am at work. We are so lucky to have Ms. D :)
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